drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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