i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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