You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
