I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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