I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
