Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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