I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
