Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
