i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize