I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
