Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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