i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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