never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
