I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
