Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Randomize
