There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
