um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
