guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
