Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
