There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
