new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
