In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
