just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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