I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dear god my vagina.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
