Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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