I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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