I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I came so hard my ears popped.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
