Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
