I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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