She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
