Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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