kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
