drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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