so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
