you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
