please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
