This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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