When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
