May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
