im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
