I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize