so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
