I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
