last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
