so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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