you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
