Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
