Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
