She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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