she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize