You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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