Please, let me fuck your mom
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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