DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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