my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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