All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
