I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
