I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
