Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
