I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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