we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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