Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
