You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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