so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You ruined the universe
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize