two words: eviction party
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
