Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
