pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I forgot wine drunk hurts
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
