Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
