I'll bet she douches with gravy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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