i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
