Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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