How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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