Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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