You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
