We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
