There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
