I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
