I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
