and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
