Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
